Author Archives: TheHouseworkCanWait

Review: Timepiece by Myra McEntire (@MyraMcEntire @EgmontUSA)

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Timepiece is the sequel to Hourglass, which is awesome and crazy and a wee bit over-the-top but not so much that I can’t love it anyway.

Whereas Hourglass is told from the point-of-view of reluctant time-traveler Emerson Cole, Timepiece‘s narrator is her boyfriend’s best friend, the dark and brooding Kaleb.

The Plot

[Spoilers from Hourglass ahead. Skip down to My Thoughts if you haven’t finished it yet. Then GO FINISH IT.]

Timepiece picks up shortly after the conclusion of Hourglass. Emerson and Michael have been reunited, much to Kaleb’s dismay. They have succeeded in their mission to rescue Kaleb’s father, Liam, the director of the Hourglass. The devious Jack Landers is still on the loose, and no one has any idea what his endgame is.

Additionally, Kaleb and the other young members of the Hourglass are starting to be able to see rips, something that only Emerson and Michael could do before. And the rips are getting bigger.

No sooner have we digested this information than a new, mysterious baddie shows up and hands Kaleb an ultimatum in no uncertain terms: Deliver Jack Landers, or life as he and his friends know it is over.

Soon Kaleb, Emerson, Michael and the entire Hourglass crew — complete with some new recruits — are searching for Jack, using every trick in their arsenal, both technological and supernatural. But Jack always seems two steps ahead. And time is running out.

My Thoughts

Timepiece starts with a bang. New, bigger bad guys are immediately introduced and the stakes are promptly upped. We were introduced to the basic mechanics of this time-slippy world in Hourglass; this time we get into details. We find out more about most of the secondary characters. The action increases significantly.

Bottom line: If you thought Hourglass was fun, Timepiece is going to blow your socks off.

I’ve got to admit, I was a little tentative at first about the switch to Kaleb’s point of view. I felt like I had developed a good relationship with Emerson in the first book, and I was comfortable viewing the world through her eyes. Plus, the Kaleb we meet in Hourglass, and at the beginning of Timepiece, is a crass, womanizing drunk. Charming, sure, but I spent a good portion of the first few chapters wanting to smack him upside the head.

[Also, as a side note, add some tattoos and piercings, and I was totally picturing Kaleb like this:

I know, Kaleb’s not a football player and probably doesn’t go around telling anyone “Texas forever,” but his personality screamed Tim Riggins to me. Anyone else?]

Okay, sorry, just had to throw that out there.

Luckily, while I can’t say that I wound up agreeing with all of Kaleb’s choices, I was able to understand him, sympathize with him, and really like him. Even when he was being a womanizing drunk. He was a great narrator, and it was really interesting viewing this crazy world through his eyes.

It was also fun to see Emerson and Michael from someone else’s point of view. In Hourglass, their relationship is all fluttery feelings and absurd chemistry and sparks of electricity. In Timepiece, we can see how that gets a little annoying to the people around them.

We get to know the secondary characters better, especially Emerson’s best friend Lily, which made me super happy. I was really hoping we’d find out more about her, since I really enjoyed her character in Hourglass. There’s still a few characters I would like to know more about. Maybe the third book will use one of them as narrator?

Jack Landers is a great villain. He’s evil and scary and dark, but not cartoonish. He’s given a solid back story, so that you understand him but still don’t like him. He’s smart and cunning and not given to extensive monologuing or pointless vendettas. You can really understand why he would be two steps ahead of our group of heroes, without making him ridiculous or them stupid.

As far as the story in Timepiece, I was riveted from the first chapter through the last page. There is a ton of action in this book. The stakes are higher, the powers more developed, the craziness heightened. Like Hourglass, it had a few twists that I absolutely did not see coming, yet none of them felt contrived.

There is a love story in Timepiece, but it is not a love triangle, thank goodness. I was scared, going in, that I was going to have to put up with Kaleb and Michael being all angsty and territorial about Emerson throughout the book (as Kaleb obviously has feelings for Emerson in Hourglass), but that fortunately did not happen. As it was, I really like the way the romantic angle was handled. It felt real. It wasn’t all sparks and sighs and fluttery feelings, which is nice, because I don’t think that’s the way romance normally happens.

Overall, Timepiece was a fun and exciting story. I really enjoyed the characters and was never quite sure what was going to happen next. The book ends with an obvious setup for a third book, but while I am itching to read more about the world of the Hourglass (which will probably be a while, since Timepiece hasn’t even been officially released yet), I still felt completely satisfied at the conclusion.

Content Guide: Contains some violence, mild sexual content/innuendo, mild language

Note: I received Timepiece as a digital review copy from NetGalley. Timepiece will be released on June 12, 2012. You can pre-order yours on Amazon now!

Feature & Follow #96: Books with Strong Mother-Child Relationships

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Welcome to Feature & Follow Friday, hosted by Parajunkee’s View and Alison Can Read!

I LOVED all the followers I gained last week as the feature. Thanks so much to all of you who participated and followed.

If you’re here for the hop, please follow via RSS, email, LinkyFollowers or Networked Blogs. All the options are in my sidebar. If you leave a comment letting me know you’re following, I’ll make sure to follow you in return. And if you decide to be SUPER-awesome and put my button in your sidebar, let me know and I’ll return the favor.

If you’re a pre-existing follower, hi! [waves]

And now for this week’s question:

This Sunday in the U.S. is Mother’s Day. In celebration, what are some of your favorite books with strong mother/child relationships?

This question was harder than it sounds. I’ve been thinking recently that most of the books I read lack strong parental relationships. It makes me kind of sad, especially since I’m a mom and would love for my kids to have some great books to read when they get older that exemplify a strong mother-child (and specifically mother-daughter) relationship.

That said, here’s a few I thought of:

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. The relationship between Marmee and her daughters is beautiful. The strong love between them is nearly palpable. She is their rock, their example, their leader, and their friend. This is one of the few examples I can think of where the children are never embarrassed or frustrated with their mother. They admire her and strive to emulate her as they grow up. I’d have a hard time coming up with a better example of what a mother-child relationship should be.

 

Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling. There are at least two excellent examples of mothers in this series. The first is the obvious example of Molly Weasley. She dotes on her children and their friends, loves them unconditionally, and protects them fiercely. The second is Lily Potter, who Harry doesn’t even remember, but who possessed a love for him that was so strong, it defeated the most powerful dark wizard who ever lived.

 

Dragonfly in Amber by Diana Gabaldon. In this book, we learn that Claire willingly gave up her life with Jamie, the love of her life, to protect her daughter, Brianna. She left behind her husband and soulmate to face certain death, then raised their daughter for the next 20 years never knowing her father. It takes Brianna a long time to understand the extent of what her mother did for her, but we, the readers, understand the depth of Claire’s love for Brianna that led her to such a significant sacrifice.

 

Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery. This isn’t a “real” mother-daughter relationship, as Marilla initially requests Anne from the orphanage as a hired hand, and not as an adopted child. However, as Anne gradually wins her over, the bond between them slowly grows and deepens. Ultimately, the loving relationship between Anne and Marilla becomes strong enough to rival that of any biological mother-daughter pair.

 

Divergent by Veronica Roth. Kind of like with Dragonfly in Amber, Tris spends the majority of this book having no idea what her mother has done, and is willing to do, for her. Their relationship isn’t bad, but it’s not great. However, by the end, Tris is astounded by the inner strength that her mother possesses, and what she has sacrificed in her own life in order to be the kind of mother she wanted Tris to have.

 

I realized after putting this list together that the main themes in all these mother-child relationships are selflessness and sacrifice, accompanied by unconditional love.  I’d say that’s a pretty good summary of what it takes to be a mother.

Happy almost-Mother’s Day to all the moms out there!

 

Interview: Liz Long, author of Gifted (@LizCLong)

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You guys, I’m pretty excited about this. It’s a momentous occasion. My first author interview! As you’ll (maybe) recall, I recently reviewed debut author Liz Long‘s book, Gifted. It’s a unique and exciting story about a circus full of people with superpowers, and I was itching to pick her brain when I finished.

She was kind enough to provide answers to my extensive questions, and I think you’ll enjoy her answers!

Where did you get the idea for Gifted?

I’ve always had a weird obsession with fire (I’m not an arsonist, I swear). I’m an Aries/Fire sign and while I certainly read and love supernatural stories, I wanted to write something that didn’t have vampires or witches. That’s not to say, however, that they don’t exist in the Gifted world, by the way…

How long did it take you to write Gifted? What was the writing process like?

Technically, I started sketching the outlines when I lived in Nashville, so start to
finish it was about three years. But I sometimes let life and junk get in the way, so
I’d probably round it down to a year and a half if I cut out the lazy times.

The process was sort of strange, really. I’m a pantser writer, which means I
write whatever comes to mind whenever it hits me. I don’t write scenes in order,
which typically results in a copy/paste chaos, then I go back and connect the dots.
(I’ve anticipated this from now on by purchasing, using, and falling in love with
Scrivener. So. Much. Easier.)

You chose to go with indie publishing. I know you go into your reasons in detail on your blog, but can you give me a nutshell version about why indie publishing was right for you?

Oh gosh, I kinda love this question. I wrote a blog article about this, actually, but
honestly, I’m sort of an impatient soul. It wasn’t about rushing to put my MS out
there, but I believe in it so much and feared it sitting out there in limbo forever.
With full control over everything (editing, cover art, marketing, etc.) I really like
knowing that I’m the driving force—I’m not afraid of a little hard work. Plus
the indie community is just phenomenal, I can’t say enough nice things about
everyone!

I loved the circus setting in Gifted. What kind of research did you do to make the
Donovan Circus come to life?

There’s an incredibly interesting PBS 6 hour documentary series called “Circus” that follows the Big Apple Circus around for a season. It’s not only about the show itself, but behind the scenes with the employees and living circus life. I watched and re-watched every episode, taking note of the general circus feel and how they work (like the way they set up their living area is similar—obviously they don’t sit in a town for weeks at a time, but the grounds are laid out in a similar fashion). Since my characters all have powers, though, it’s obviously tweaked—workers may exist in both worlds, but mine have a little extra strength or my acrobats can literally fly so there’s never any risk of them hitting the ground.

I also saw the Ringling Bros. show when they came to visit my civic center
last year. Sort of a last minute fluke thing (I got tickets because I worked at a
magazine), but it was great to see costumes up close and get an idea of how they
ran the floor.

Then there was the research I did online for things like show terms. “First of
May” and “Jonah’s Luck” are real deal vocabulary, for example.

What’s next for Lucy and the Donovan Circus crew?

Well, Lucy still needs to figure out what the heck her father’s history is, which
essentially means she needs a family tree lesson. This is going to take her on an
interesting path on how she uses her own gift.

Then there’s the fact that Sheffield’s got so many enemies. Lucy’s got a huge
target on her back now thanks to her firepower. Lucy doesn’t quite understand
just how much her world clashes within itself. There are some pretty evil gifted
beings out there, let’s just put it that way.

Plus, it’s time to move to a new city. There’s definitely new stuff within each new
location.

Can you tell me a little bit about the YA series you’re working on?

Oh I’m so excited about this one! Currently titled “Super Nova” (not totally
set on that), it’s about a 17-year-old girl named Nova. They live in a fictional
city, Arcania, that’s being taken over by criminals. A supremely bad guy named
Fortune kills her little sister, sending Nova on a quest for justice (or revenge). The
catch? Nova’s got her own superpower. It actually is set in the gifted world, but
completely different characters and storyline. So the readers will recognize the
world and certain traits, but be taken on a totally new adventure.

What’s the most exciting thing about being a newly published author? The scariest thing?

The most exciting is definitely hearing so many nice things from everyone.
Because I’m new to it, I’m pretty much a nervous wreck, but hearing how much
people have enjoyed reading Gifted is just so nice to hear.

The scariest thing…gosh, there’s a few! Haha, um, I guess it’s the waiting game.

I can handle a poor review (I know not all books are for everyone—there are
people who didn’t like Harry Potter for crying out loud, so I know I’ll have a few
haters), but it’s literally just waiting for bloggers and others to read the book.
I don’t want to hover or annoy, so I’m kinda sitting and twiddling my thumbs
waiting to hear on a review. (Just kidding-I’m writing. But also a little twiddling.)

What have you learned during the writing and release of Gifted? How will it change the way you approach future books?

Less pantser approach, more plotter involved. I’ve done a much better sketch for
the next couple books and I’m trying to get it all well-established before writing
too much. I got in way over my head when I had so much going on in Gifted—I
had to remember that I could save a lot for another title. I’ve also learned a couple
lessons as far as the release. Actually publishing/printing will be easier because I
understand the formatting as well as making a cover and the order of how things
have to be done. Self-publishing is way harder than just uploading a document
and throwing it on Amazon.

What one piece of advice would you give an aspiring writer?

Don’t give up. You can get distracted, you can get lazy, but don’t give up. And
indie publishing is not as untraditional as it sounds anymore.

Gifted falls into a relatively new category of books: “New Adult.” What the heck is New Adult?

Oh I so hope this becomes a thing! New Adult is sort of the in-between for high
schoolers and adults, think 18-24 range. I love the idea, because as someone
who read older books as a teen, but at 27 might now roll their eyes at some of
the high school/teen stuff, that intermittent stage is a great balance of watching
someone figure out their journey but still manage to land themselves in some
adult situations.

And now for some frivolous and ridiculous questions:

Lucy compares herself to Pyro from X-Men. Who’s your favorite X-Men character?

Oh my gahhh. If I go by the gray I keep finding in my bangs, it’s Rogue. But
technically, I’d have to go with Jean Gray, aka Phoenix. She’s such a great
character and she’s incredibly powerful. Plus she’s willing to make sacrifices for
the greater good, which is always admirable.

Lucy also says Star Wars was her dad’s favorite movie. Who’s your favorite Star Wars character?

Han Solo. No question. He’s smart, he’s capable, he’s a lone wolf until suddenly
he realizes maybe he can do some good against the Empire. And if you wanna
argue or throw down, be my guest. I’ve poured water over my best friend’s head
and got into shouting matches with my husband.

If you were Gifted, what would you want your power to be?

Argh, there are so many! I’ve learned from Sookie Stackhouse I’d never want to
be a Telepath. No way would I want to be a Firestarter. I think I’d want Bianca’s
Transporter gift most—the ability to be anywhere you want in an instant is pretty
appealing!

In Gifted, Lucy’s decision could really go either way, but are you Team Gabriel or Team Keegan?

I love them both for different reasons. I’m afraid I don’t want to say because I
don’t want it to reflect back to Lucy’s choices. Sorry!

Chocolate or vanilla?

Always chocolate

Tea or coffee?

Diet Coke

Star Wars or Star Trek?

Wars, but I’ll watch Chris Pine as Kirk all the live long day.

Batman or Superman?

Batman’s far cooler. He’s got gadgets and is actually human enough to get his
butt kicked and make us fear for him. (Dark Knight Rises, anyone?)

Gale or Peeta?

If it’s the books, Peeta all the way. If I’m looking at that cute Hemsworth kid
from the movie, Gale.

Favorite book?

Harry Potter series. I’m in sheer amazement at the smallest details she included
from start to finish. She’s just a genius. I can talk about it for hours, as a reader or
as a writer!

Favorite movie?

Again with the toughies! Geez…I love so, so many movies. I’m a huge fan
of Indiana Jones (really anything with Harrison Ford as I have an unhealthy
obsession). I also love all the geek movies—Iron Man, Star Trek…I need to stop
before I rattle off 20 titles. Though I suppose now I’ll say: The Avengers!

Favorite TV show?

It’s a toss up! I watch too much TV for someone who wants to write novels. 30
Rock is my go to (everyone calls me Lemon or LL), but I also adore Parks & Rec,
Modern Family, and Grimm. Oh and Game of Thrones (it makes me want to write
a ridiculously epic battle scene every time I sit at my computer). I can’t pick just
one.

Favorite food?

I’ll go with pizza, since I tend to eat that about four times a week. Just kidding.
Sort of.

And finally, since you wrote a book about characters with superpowers and that makes you an expert, give us your review of The Avengers movie in 10 words or less.

Visually stunning, chill-inducing, cheer-worthy, perfect superhero flick. (I love
being an expert on stuff!)

Thanks so much, Liz, for agreeing to let me interview you! I enjoyed your answers, and look forward to reading about the future happenings in the Gifted world!

Review: Die for Me by Amy Plum (@harperteen)

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Die for Me is the first novel in the Revenants trilogy by Amy Plum. I’m going to a book signing for Ms. Plum next week (WHEEE!) and really wanted to have read her book before meeting her in person. Unfortunately, it’s not looking like I’ll be able to squeeze in book 2, Until I Die, before the event, but at least I now know who the characters are and what the basic story is.

The Plot

Die for Me is the story of Kate Mercier, recent orphan and new Paris resident. She and her sister, Georgia, moved to Paris following the death of their parents in a tragic car accident. Kate hasn’t been dealing with the loss well, and spends her days secluded in her bedroom in their grandparents’ house, reading books and wallowing in depression.

Eventually, her sister convinces her to venture out of the house and experience the beauty of the city. Kate begrudgingly takes her up on her advice, and winds up meeting a tall, dark and handsome boy named Vincent. Vincent and Kate begin a tentative courtship, but almost immediately, Kate realizes that there’s more to Vincent than meets the eye.

Shocked, Kate learns that Vincent is in fact a Revenant: an immortal being who feels the irresistible compulsion to sacrifice his life saving humans. He lives with a group of fellow Revenants in a giant Parisian mansion, and the group of them wander the city, looking for people to save. When they trade their own life for a human’s, they take 3 days to mend, then come back to life, good as new.

But no sooner has Kate absorbed the information that her boyfriend is an immortal kinda-zombie, than a darker truth is revealed: Vincent and his kindred are not the only Revenants. There are others. Except that they don’t feel a compulsion to save human lives; they feel the compulsion to end them.

My Thoughts

I have mixed feelings on this one. First, the plot point comparisons to Twilight are abundant and fairly obvious. I’m not going to go into the minutia in detail, because others have already done so (see examples here and here). Personally, I don’t actually mind if one book is really reminiscent of another, as long as it has its own spin on the subject matter.

Yes, this book has many similarities to Twilight, as they are both teen paranormal romances between a human and an immortal. But Revenants ≠ Vampires, Kate ≠ Bella, and Vincent ≠ Edward. So I don’t really mind that the story bears some resemblance to Twilight. I don’t begrudge Ms. Plum her inspiration (if indeed Twilight was her inspiration — I haven’t asked her, so I don’t know), because I honestly think genuine new ideas are a dying breed. If we demanded all books were utterly unique, there wouldn’t be much to read.

That said, while I don’t mind that Die for Me resembled Twilight, I also can’t help but compare the two in terms of what I liked and didn’t like.

Winner: Die for Me

I liked Kate. She seemed a relatively level-headed teen who tried to think through the bizarre situation she was in. Yes, she had her share of caution-to-the-wind “but I’m just so in love” moments, but mostly she tried to actually use her brain and make logical choices. She tried not to let her relationship with Vincent define her (although ultimately, it pretty much did), and didn’t turn into a puddle of goo every time he looked at her.

I also loved the Parisian setting. I’ve got to be honest: I’ve been to Paris, and I wasn’t all that thrilled with it. But I would love to go to the Paris that’s described in this book. Ms. Plum beautifully paints a picture of Parisian culture and nightlife that’s vivid and lush.

I enjoyed the Revenants mythology. It was a unique and intriguing (not to mention far less gross) take on the traditional zombie/vampire theme. I liked that most of the time, they appeared utterly human and didn’t have any defining [cough*sparkly*cough] characteristics. That made it a lot more believable that they were just walking around in public, mingling with the humans. And the “rules” of their existence made sense within the context of the story, which is always a must for me to enjoy a paranormal/fantasy/sci-fi anything.

And overall, I liked Ms. Plum’s writing style. She chose her words well and her writing style had a nice flow to it.

Oh, and the cover art? Die for Me wins, no contest. So pretty.

Winner: Twilight

I’ve got to admit: while I would never put Twilight up there as the greatest romantic literature ever (Jane Austen would roll over in her grave), Stephenie Meyer had a knack for conveying the belly-fluttery feeling of first infatuation (I’m not going to call it love. I’m not.) She was really good at putting those swoony feelings into words. And Amy Plum also does a good job, just not as good.

Stephenie Meyer also had an advantage with “the hook.” The thing that kept you needing to go to the next chapter, because you couldn’t just stop there. It’s why I tore through all 4 books of the Twilight saga in just a couple days, the same amount of time it took me to read Die for Me. I was interested, but the sense of urgency just wasn’t there.

Too Close to Call

I know that people keep saying that Kate and Vincent have a healthier relationship than Edward and Bella…but I’m just not seeing it. Both girls are kind of consumed. Both relationships go from just-met to can’t-live-without-you in a freakishly short period of time.  Both guys are just a wee bit stalkerish. And if the title of the book is any indication, I’m kind of guessing that at some point, both girls are ultimately going to sacrifice their lives so they can stay with their stud.

Yeah, Kate is less dramatic than Bella. I don’t see cliff jumping in her immediate future. And if Vincent left her, she’d probably be okay. Eventually. But it doesn’t change the fact that Kate basically clings to Vincent as the most/only important thing in her life.

A couple other thoughts:

Insta-Love

It’s out in full force in Die for Me. I have to admit, I’m one of those people that’s bothered by it, but also accepts it as a necessary evil in YA. I’m not sure I’d go so far as to say that Kate and Vincent’s relationship is realistic — I know that instant attraction takes place in real life, but the can’t-live-without-you super-devotion that develops in an extremely short period of time…I’m not convinced that it’s entirely realistic (although author Amy Plum thinks it is, which explains why it’s there).

Final Conflict

First of all, I saw the bad guy coming from a mile away. It seemed like the reveal of the bad guy was supposed to be somewhat shocking, but there was some extremely heavy foreshadowing that made it…not.

Then when it came down to the final showdown, everything felt a little too convenient. Of course things are possible with Kate and Vincent that haven’t ever been possible for anyone, ever. Because they’re just so deeply bonded after knowing each other a couple months, more than people who have been in love for decades. Of course. *sigh*

On the one hand, I get that it’s probably not as much fun to write/read about a “normal” relationship where they have to deal with the situations they’re in with whatever skills they already possessed (or didn’t possess). But on the other hand, why is this relationship so much stronger than other human-revenant relationships? They don’t know each other all that well, haven’t known each other all that long, and I don’t buy that their instant chemistry trumps another couple’s decades of intimacy.

I still found the end of the book exciting and mostly satisfying. I just kind of wish the way it got there didn’t feel a bit contrived.

Final Verdict:

I liked Die for Me. I just didn’t love it. And since it is bound to be directly compared to Twilight (it’s even being marketed as “the next Twilight” and fans are told “if you liked Twilight, you’ll love Die for Me”), I can’t help but try to think about which one I enjoyed reading more.

And honestly, even though I will be the first to admit that Die for Me is technically superior and has far fewer frustrating elements…I have to give the edge to Twilight. It had that pull, that sense of urgency that kept me reading late into the night even though I had a newborn baby who I just knew was going to wake up at 4 a.m. I didn’t feel that with Die for Me. It was just…good.

I still am interested in reading the sequel, Until I Die. Just because book 1 resembled Twilight doesn’t mean the entire series will, and I think I would probably enjoy it more if my mind wasn’t constantly drawing comparisons between the two. And again, I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy Die for Me. It just didn’t sweep me up and enthrall me like I wanted it to.

Content Guide: Contains violence, death, wartime images, mild sexual content.

Review: The Princess Bride by William Goldman, and why you should read it. Immediately.

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The more I participate in weekly memes, the more I’ve come to a disturbing realization. Try to prepare yourselves, for the shock and horror may be great:

Not everyone has read The Princess Bride.

Are you still with me? How’s your heart? Try to focus on your breathing. I know, the truth is hard to digest.

There is even a large portion of the population that does not realize that The Princess Bride was originally a book. They’ve seen the movie, and think it’s the original.

Don’t get me wrong. The movie is fabulous. Fabulous. But it’s not the original, and it’s certainly not as good as the book.

This review isn’t going to be a usual review. I’ll give you a nutshell intro to the plot (like you need it), then list the reasons why you need to read this book right now.

The Plot

Probably most of you know the basics of the story. Buttercup, the most beautiful girl in the world, falls in love with Westley, a worker on her family’s farm. Although they are deeply in love, Westley decides to sail to America to seek his fortune, and while at sea, his ship is attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who never leaves a prisoner alive.

Buttercup’s mourning is cut short when the dastardly Prince Humperdinck decides to take a bride. He chooses Buttercup because of her astounding beauty, but she vows to never love him. He doesn’t really care, because his true purpose is to have her killed by mercenaries, hoping to incite his fictional country of Florin to go to war with the fictional country of Guilder.

Buttercup is kidnapped by mercenaries, Vizzini (a Sicilian), Fezzik (a Turk), and Inigo Montoya (a Spaniard). They are then perused and methodically defeated by a mysterious Man in Black, who steals Buttercup away from them.

You know what happens next.

Why You Need to Read The Princess Bride Immediately

(all quotes taken from the 1992 paperback version, copyright William Goldman):

“The Good Parts.” 

Here’s the blurb from the inside cover of my copy:

“As a boy, William Goldman claims, he loved to hear his father read the ‘S. Morgenstern classic, The Princess Bride.’ But as a grown-up he discovered that the boring parts were left out of good old Dad’s recitation, and only the ‘good parts’ reached his ears.

Now Goldman does Dad one better. He’s reconstructed the ‘Good Parts Version’ to delight wise kids and wide-eyed grownups everywhere.

What’s it about? Fencing. Fighting. True Love. Strong Hate. Harsh Revenge. A Few Giants. Lots of Bad Men. Lots of Good Men. Five or Six Beautiful Women. Beasties Monstrous and Gentle. Some Swell Escapes and Captures. Death, Lies, Truth, Miracles, and a Little Sex.

In short, it’s about everything.”

But of course, there never was any S. Morgenstern. There never was an “original” version of The Princess Bride that turned out to be more a history of Florin and Guilder than a story about True Love and Revenge. But the fact that Goldman writes it as if he’s extracting “the good parts” out of a boring history book just adds to the wit and charm of this book. He always inserts little notes in italics to let the reader know when he has “extracted” something. For example, at the beginning of Chapter 2, we have this note from Goldman:

“This is my first major excision. Chapter One, The Bride, is almost in its entirety about the bride. Chapter Two, The Groom, only picks up Prince Humperdinck in the last few pages.

This chapter is where my son Jason stopped reading, and there is simply no way of blaming him. For what Morgenstern has done is open this chapter with sixty-six pages of Florinese history. More accurately, it is the history of the Florinese crown.

Dreary? Not to be believed.”

– p. 59

He also interjects little pieces of “history” into the narrative so that we can orient ourselves:

“‘I’m going to America. To seek my fortune.’ (This was just after America but long after fortunes.)”

– p. 50

The Dialogue

“‘I love you,’ Buttercup said. ‘I know this must come as something of a surprise to you, since all I’ve ever done is scorn you and degrade you and taunt you, but I have loved you for several hours now, and every second, more. I thought an hour ago that I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a man, but a half hour after that I knew that what I felt before was nothing compared to what I felt then. But ten minutes after that, I understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas before a storm. Your eyes are like that, did you know? Well they are. How many minutes ago was I? Twenty? Had I brought my feelings up to then? It doesn’t matter.’ Buttercup still could not look at him. The sun was rising behind her now; she could feel the heat on her back, and it gave her courage. ‘I love you so much more now than twenty minutes ago that there cannot be comparison. I love you so much more now than when you opened your hovel door, there cannot be comparison. There is no room in my body for anything but you. My arms love you, my ears adore you, my knees shake with blind affection. My mind begs you to ask it something so it can obey. Do you want me to follow you for the rest of your days? I will do that. Do you want me to crawl? I will crawl. I will be quiet for you or sing for you, or if you are hungry, let me bring you food, or if you have thirst and nothing will quench it but Arabian wine, I will go to Araby, even though it is across the world, and bring a bottle back for your lunch. Anything there is that I can do for you, I will do for you; anything there is that I cannot do, I will learn to do. I know I cannot compete with the Countess in skills or wisdom or appeal, and I saw the way she looked at you. And I saw the way you looked at her. But remember, please, that she is old and has other interests, while I am seventeen and for me there is only you. Dearest Westley–I’ve never called you that before, have I?–Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley,–darling Westley, adored Westley, sweet perfect Westley, whisper that I have a chance to win your love.’ And with that, she dared the bravest thing she’d ever done; she looked right into his eyes.” 

– p. 48

The way the characters talk is simultaneously cheesy, poetic, endearing, and absurd. It’s hard to not feel a profound sense of happiness when reading a conversation taking place in The Princess Bride.

The Backstory

The characters in the movie are wonderful and iconic. The book lets us know how they became that way. As an example, I present to you:

Inigo Montoya. He is the greatest swordsman that ever lived. He gives Westley a stirring 30-second speech about why he is a great swordsman, and why he is hunting The Six-Fingered Man. He has one of the most iconic lines in the movie: “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” He is awesome.

Book Inigo is just as awesome, but now we are treated to 16 pages of intriguing backstory about him and his father, their relationship, his father’s murder, his training to become the greatest swordsman who ever lived, and his constant search for The Six-Fingered Man.

“Domingo Montoya was funny-looking and crotchety and impatient and absent-minded and never smiled.

Inigo loved him. Totally. Don’t ask why. There really wasn’t any one reason you could put your finger on. Oh, probably Domingo loved him back, but love is many things, none of them logical.”

– p. 97

And of course, he also says his famous line in the book. Many times.

The Action

The film is full of swordfighting fun, and the book has even more. Plus, the book goes into even more detail about the different fencing techniques, which doesn’t sound interesting, but is. Remember the part in the movie where Inigo and The Man in Black are bantering while swordfighting about the different attacks and defenses they are using? Straight from the book, but the book has even more of that.

The Humor

I know you’ve probably picked up on this by now, but the book is hilarious. It’s not side-splitting give-you-the-hiccups kind of hilarious, although an unexpected guffaw will probably escape your lips several times while reading this. But it is leave-a-smile-plastered-across-your-face-constantly hilarious. It will give you happy feelings.

Westley

I know this is hard to believe, but book Westley is about 10x awesomer than movie Westley. True story.

Buttercup

I know that super-strong, independent, quick-thinking heroines are all the rage these days. Buttercup is not like that. Poor girl, she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed.

“‘Do you love me, Westley? Is that it?’
He couldn’t believe it. ‘Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches. If your love were—‘
‘I don’t understand the first one yet,’ Buttercup interrupted. She was starting to get very excited now. ‘Let me get this straight. Are you saying my love is the size of a grain of sand and yours is this other thing? Images just confuse me so—is this universal business of yours bigger than my sand? Help me, Westley. I have the feeling we’re on the verge of something just terribly important.’”

 – p. 51

She has beauty, and she has love, and that’s really all she has going for her. But it’s enough. She never learns to be a fighter, she never gets much cleverer or wittier, and she can’t wield a sword or shoot an arrow. But she has love, and it makes her strong.

““I am your Prince and you will marry me,” Humperdinck said.
Buttercup whispered, “I am your servant and I refuse.”
“I am you Prince and you cannot refuse.”
“I am your loyal servant and I just did.”
“Refusal means death.”
“Kill me then.” 

– p. 72

And last but not least, the book contains this line:

“The beef-witted featherbrained rattledskulled clodpated dim-domed noodle-noggined sapheaded lunk-knobbed BOYS.” 

– p. 36

So. There you have it. My case for why you need to read The Princess Bride. I hope you’re convinced. Even if you aren’t normally a fan of fairy tales, or love stories, or humor, you should read The Princess Bride. Because it’s magical and amazing and splendid.

And if by some cruel twist of fate you haven’t seen the movie either, I highly recommend it. It’s a beautiful and fabulous movie.

But you still need to read the book.

Content Guide: Contains violence and torture, murderous plots, grave danger, and R.O.U.S.s