Top Ten Tuesday (July 31) – Characters I’d Like to Switch Places With

Welcome to another Top Ten Tuesday, hosted by our friends over at The Broke and the Bookish.

This week, I’m mostly answering based on who the supporting characters in the story are, or what the world is like. Because if we’re switching places, I’m obviously not meeting that character. But I don’t necessarily (or at all) want to participate in their romances or conflicts. Just want to take a nice little trip to their fictional world.

Also, you’ll notice there’s a conspicuous absence of period pieces, and the reason for that is simple: I really, really don’t want to wear a corset. Also, I imagine the bathroom and hygiene situation would kinda skeeve me out.

But, you put on your list…” SHHHH. I don’t want to hear it. My logic is not good, but it’s mine.

Now that I’ve utterly confused you, today’s topic is…

Top Ten Characters I’d Like To Switch Places With For 24 Hours

(as always, in no particular order)

Thomas, The Maze Runner, during one of his first days in the Maze. I want to meet Chuck and Minho, and I want to see the Glade. I do NOT want to go into the Maze, and you can’t make me.

Buttercup, The Princess Bride, after the events of the story are over and they’re living out their happily-ever-after. I want to meet Inigo Montoya. And Westley and Fezzik. But mostly Inigo.

Katniss, Mockingjaysometime between the end and the epilogue. Mostly because I spent the entire trilogy thinking that Peeta needed a hug.

Bella, TwilightIn this scenario, do the other characters know we’ve traded places, or do they assume I am the character I’ve switched with? Because for this to make sense, everyone would have to think I was Bella. Because my goal here would be to break up with Edward, then get on a plane to go live with Renee in Florida.

Harry, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of AzkabanI want to experience Hogwarts during one of the lighter years, and hang out with Ron and Hermione. And if I go during their third year, I’d get to meet Lupin. Score.

Mr. Abshire, The Time Traveler’s WifeOn that day. You know. That day. I would tell Mark I didn’t feel very well and we were staying home, and then I’d stay in bed all day.

Nate, Timepiece. I just want to live at the Hourglass and hang out with Em and Michael and Kaleb and Lily.

ANY of the children, Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar ChildrenBefore all the shenanigans start, obviously.

America, The SelectionI WANT TO BE A PRETTY PRINCESS. Also, Maxon is fun.

Polly, The Magician’s NephewShe gets to see SO MANY WORLDS. How many pools do you think I could jump in in 24 hours?

So there’s a slightly disturbing glance into my thought process. Who would you trade with?

Top Ten Tuesday (June 12): Beach Reads

Welcome to another Top Ten Tuesday, a weekly meme hosted by the fabulous folks over at The Broke and the Bookish!

In celebration of summer and sun and flip-flops, this week’s topic is:

Top Ten Books I’d Recommend As Good Beach Reads

Of course, I live in a completely land-locked state, so I’m going to have to think of these as pool reads instead of beach reads, but the concept is the same. Minus the sand and the salt.

Also, please forgive me for being a bit dense, but I’ve never understood the concept of “beach reads.” I will personally just take whatever book I’m currently reading to the beach and continue reading it. My reading environment plays a very small role in my reading selection.

So, that said, I tried to think of books that I enjoyed, and that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen reading in public, in a bathing suit. Because being in a bathing suit in public…that’s enough. I also tried to pick books that wouldn’t evoke any serious freak-outs, like ugly-crying. You could possibly do a dignified single-tear-trickle with a couple of these, but that’s not so bad in public.

I’m kind of all over the place with this list, genre-wise. We’re going to assume that’s okay.

 

Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver

The False Prince by Jennifer A. Nielsen

Gifted by Liz Long

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

The Host by Stephenie Meyer

Hourglass by Myra McEntire

The Princess Bride by William Goldman

The Selection by Kiera Cass

The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

Do you have books you designate as “beach reads?” And what does that mean? Please help me clear up this mystery.


Review: The Princess Bride by William Goldman, and why you should read it. Immediately.

 

The more I participate in weekly memes, the more I’ve come to a disturbing realization. Try to prepare yourselves, for the shock and horror may be great:

Not everyone has read The Princess Bride.

Are you still with me? How’s your heart? Try to focus on your breathing. I know, the truth is hard to digest.

There is even a large portion of the population that does not realize that The Princess Bride was originally a book. They’ve seen the movie, and think it’s the original.

Don’t get me wrong. The movie is fabulous. Fabulous. But it’s not the original, and it’s certainly not as good as the book.

This review isn’t going to be a usual review. I’ll give you a nutshell intro to the plot (like you need it), then list the reasons why you need to read this book right now.

The Plot

Probably most of you know the basics of the story. Buttercup, the most beautiful girl in the world, falls in love with Westley, a worker on her family’s farm. Although they are deeply in love, Westley decides to sail to America to seek his fortune, and while at sea, his ship is attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who never leaves a prisoner alive.

Buttercup’s mourning is cut short when the dastardly Prince Humperdinck decides to take a bride. He chooses Buttercup because of her astounding beauty, but she vows to never love him. He doesn’t really care, because his true purpose is to have her killed by mercenaries, hoping to incite his fictional country of Florin to go to war with the fictional country of Guilder.

Buttercup is kidnapped by mercenaries, Vizzini (a Sicilian), Fezzik (a Turk), and Inigo Montoya (a Spaniard). They are then perused and methodically defeated by a mysterious Man in Black, who steals Buttercup away from them.

You know what happens next.

Why You Need to Read The Princess Bride Immediately

(all quotes taken from the 1992 paperback version, copyright William Goldman):

“The Good Parts.” 

Here’s the blurb from the inside cover of my copy:

“As a boy, William Goldman claims, he loved to hear his father read the ‘S. Morgenstern classic, The Princess Bride.’ But as a grown-up he discovered that the boring parts were left out of good old Dad’s recitation, and only the ‘good parts’ reached his ears.

Now Goldman does Dad one better. He’s reconstructed the ‘Good Parts Version’ to delight wise kids and wide-eyed grownups everywhere.

What’s it about? Fencing. Fighting. True Love. Strong Hate. Harsh Revenge. A Few Giants. Lots of Bad Men. Lots of Good Men. Five or Six Beautiful Women. Beasties Monstrous and Gentle. Some Swell Escapes and Captures. Death, Lies, Truth, Miracles, and a Little Sex.

In short, it’s about everything.”

But of course, there never was any S. Morgenstern. There never was an “original” version of The Princess Bride that turned out to be more a history of Florin and Guilder than a story about True Love and Revenge. But the fact that Goldman writes it as if he’s extracting “the good parts” out of a boring history book just adds to the wit and charm of this book. He always inserts little notes in italics to let the reader know when he has “extracted” something. For example, at the beginning of Chapter 2, we have this note from Goldman:

“This is my first major excision. Chapter One, The Bride, is almost in its entirety about the bride. Chapter Two, The Groom, only picks up Prince Humperdinck in the last few pages.

This chapter is where my son Jason stopped reading, and there is simply no way of blaming him. For what Morgenstern has done is open this chapter with sixty-six pages of Florinese history. More accurately, it is the history of the Florinese crown.

Dreary? Not to be believed.”

– p. 59

He also interjects little pieces of “history” into the narrative so that we can orient ourselves:

‘I’m going to America. To seek my fortune.’ (This was just after America but long after fortunes.)”

– p. 50

The Dialogue

“‘I love you,’ Buttercup said. ‘I know this must come as something of a surprise to you, since all I’ve ever done is scorn you and degrade you and taunt you, but I have loved you for several hours now, and every second, more. I thought an hour ago that I loved you more than any woman has ever loved a man, but a half hour after that I knew that what I felt before was nothing compared to what I felt then. But ten minutes after that, I understood that my previous love was a puddle compared to the high seas before a storm. Your eyes are like that, did you know? Well they are. How many minutes ago was I? Twenty? Had I brought my feelings up to then? It doesn’t matter.’ Buttercup still could not look at him. The sun was rising behind her now; she could feel the heat on her back, and it gave her courage. ‘I love you so much more now than twenty minutes ago that there cannot be comparison. I love you so much more now than when you opened your hovel door, there cannot be comparison. There is no room in my body for anything but you. My arms love you, my ears adore you, my knees shake with blind affection. My mind begs you to ask it something so it can obey. Do you want me to follow you for the rest of your days? I will do that. Do you want me to crawl? I will crawl. I will be quiet for you or sing for you, or if you are hungry, let me bring you food, or if you have thirst and nothing will quench it but Arabian wine, I will go to Araby, even though it is across the world, and bring a bottle back for your lunch. Anything there is that I can do for you, I will do for you; anything there is that I cannot do, I will learn to do. I know I cannot compete with the Countess in skills or wisdom or appeal, and I saw the way she looked at you. And I saw the way you looked at her. But remember, please, that she is old and has other interests, while I am seventeen and for me there is only you. Dearest Westley–I’ve never called you that before, have I?–Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley, Westley,–darling Westley, adored Westley, sweet perfect Westley, whisper that I have a chance to win your love.’ And with that, she dared the bravest thing she’d ever done; she looked right into his eyes.” 

– p. 48

The way the characters talk is simultaneously cheesy, poetic, endearing, and absurd. It’s hard to not feel a profound sense of happiness when reading a conversation taking place in The Princess Bride.

The Backstory

The characters in the movie are wonderful and iconic. The book lets us know how they became that way. As an example, I present to you:

Inigo Montoya. He is the greatest swordsman that ever lived. He gives Westley a stirring 30-second speech about why he is a great swordsman, and why he is hunting The Six-Fingered Man. He has one of the most iconic lines in the movie: “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” He is awesome.

Book Inigo is just as awesome, but now we are treated to 16 pages of intriguing backstory about him and his father, their relationship, his father’s murder, his training to become the greatest swordsman who ever lived, and his constant search for The Six-Fingered Man.

“Domingo Montoya was funny-looking and crotchety and impatient and absent-minded and never smiled.

Inigo loved him. Totally. Don’t ask why. There really wasn’t any one reason you could put your finger on. Oh, probably Domingo loved him back, but love is many things, none of them logical.”

– p. 97

And of course, he also says his famous line in the book. Many times.

The Action

The film is full of swordfighting fun, and the book has even more. Plus, the book goes into even more detail about the different fencing techniques, which doesn’t sound interesting, but is. Remember the part in the movie where Inigo and The Man in Black are bantering while swordfighting about the different attacks and defenses they are using? Straight from the book, but the book has even more of that.

The Humor

I know you’ve probably picked up on this by now, but the book is hilarious. It’s not side-splitting give-you-the-hiccups kind of hilarious, although an unexpected guffaw will probably escape your lips several times while reading this. But it is leave-a-smile-plastered-across-your-face-constantly hilarious. It will give you happy feelings.

Westley

I know this is hard to believe, but book Westley is about 10x awesomer than movie Westley. True story.

Buttercup

I know that super-strong, independent, quick-thinking heroines are all the rage these days. Buttercup is not like that. Poor girl, she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed.

“‘Do you love me, Westley? Is that it?’
He couldn’t believe it. ‘Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches. If your love were—‘
‘I don’t understand the first one yet,’ Buttercup interrupted. She was starting to get very excited now. ‘Let me get this straight. Are you saying my love is the size of a grain of sand and yours is this other thing? Images just confuse me so—is this universal business of yours bigger than my sand? Help me, Westley. I have the feeling we’re on the verge of something just terribly important.’”

 – p. 51

She has beauty, and she has love, and that’s really all she has going for her. But it’s enough. She never learns to be a fighter, she never gets much cleverer or wittier, and she can’t wield a sword or shoot an arrow. But she has love, and it makes her strong.

““I am your Prince and you will marry me,” Humperdinck said.
Buttercup whispered, “I am your servant and I refuse.”
“I am you Prince and you cannot refuse.”
“I am your loyal servant and I just did.”
“Refusal means death.”
“Kill me then.” 

– p. 72

And last but not least, the book contains this line:

“The beef-witted featherbrained rattledskulled clodpated dim-domed noodle-noggined sapheaded lunk-knobbed BOYS.” 

– p. 36

So. There you have it. My case for why you need to read The Princess Bride. I hope you’re convinced. Even if you aren’t normally a fan of fairy tales, or love stories, or humor, you should read The Princess Bride. Because it’s magical and amazing and splendid.

And if by some cruel twist of fate you haven’t seen the movie either, I highly recommend it. It’s a beautiful and fabulous movie.

But you still need to read the book.

Content Guide: Contains violence and torture, murderous plots, grave danger, and R.O.U.S.s

Top Ten Tuesday (May 8): Favorite Book Quotes

Top Ten Tuesday is a weekly meme hosted by the folks over at The Broke and the Bookish. It’s a fun time for us all to indulge our inner compulsion to make lists about everything.

We all have that compulsion right? Right???

Anyway, the topic for this week is a doozy. I have to be honest. It’s so hard, I very nearly skipped it. But I can’t allow myself to be defeated by a challenge, so I’m rising to the occasion.

This week’s topic is my Top 10 Favorite Quotes from Books, but I have to say a few things about it before I start my list. First of all, these may not actually be my top 10 favorites. Why? Because I don’t have time tonight to re-read every book I’ve ever read and jot down my favorite quotes from all of them, and then narrow that extensive list down to a top 10. So instead, I looked up quotes from books that I remember being very quotable, and pulled some of the best ones.

You’ll also notice that all my quotes are from classic literature or fantasy. I love me some modern YA writing, but when it comes to quotes, I always prefer the eloquent and somewhat poetic writing style of older books and fantasy novels.

As an additional disclaimer: I could do this entire list with quotes from The Princess Bride. But that probably defeats the purpose of the list. So I’m only going to use a couple, and those couple are going to be unique to the book. As in, I will only use quotes that were not in the movie, even if they are amazingly awesome quotes. Because I don’t want anyone — anyone — to think that if they’ve seen the movie, they don’t need to read the book. Trust me, you need to read the book. Also, by the way, all the best lines in the movie are from the book.

So here they are! In no particular order, because just picking 10 quotes in the first place was hard enough. Putting them in an order would be excruciating.

My Top Ten Favorite Quotes from Books:

“People don’t remember me. Really. It’s not a paranoid thing; I just have this habit of slipping through memories. It doesn’t bother me all that much, except I guess that’s a lie; it does. For some reason, I test very high on forgettability.”

The Princess Bride by William Goldman

“Enough about my beauty.” Buttercup said. “Everybody always talks about how beautiful I am. I’ve got a mind, Westley. Talk about that.”

The Princess Bride by William Goldman

“I want to do something splendid…something heroic or wonderful that won’t be forgotten after I’m dead. I don’t know what, but I’m on the watch for it and mean to astonish you all someday.”

– Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

“I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of any thing than of a book! — When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.”

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

“Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It’s splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.”

Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery

“It’s all connected. When you save any part of the world, you’ve saved the whole world. In fact, that’s the only way it can be done.”

Golden Fool by Robin Hobb

“When you cut pieces out of the truth to avoid looking like a fool you end up looking like a moron instead.”

Assassin’s Apprentice by Robin Hobb

“It was at this point that Bilbo stopped. Going on from there was the bravest thing he ever did. The tremendous things that happened afterward were as nothing compared to it. He fought the real battle in the tunnel alone, before he ever saw the vast danger that lay in wait.”

The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

“I can live alone, if self-respect, and circumstances require me so to do. I need not sell my soul to buy bliss. I have an inward treasure born with me, which can keep me alive if all extraneous delights should be withheld, or offered only at a price I cannot afford to give.”

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

“Want for nothing but patience — or give it a more fascinating name: Call it hope.”

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen

Top Ten Tuesday (April 24): Favorite Book Characters

Top Ten Tuesday is a weekly meme hosted by the fine folk over at The Broke and the Bookish. They created it because they are particularly fond of lists, and I’m participating because I am particularly fond of lists. Fancy that!

So the topic for this week’s list is:

Top Ten All-Time Favorite Characters In Books

There will be some minor spoilers in here, because some of the reasons I love these characters are kind of spoiler-y.

10. Cinna (The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins) – Cinna is cool, composed, and suave. He’s a stylist, so you wouldn’t think of him as being a fighter. But he proves himself to be brave and devoted to a cause greater than himself. He fights intelligently, not with swords and fists, but with well-placed images that turn the tides of feeling in the Capitol and the Districts. He was the secret but powerful force behind the Girl on Fire.

 9. Molly Weasley (First introduced in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling) – I would be remiss if I didn’t mention such a wonderful example of a mother. Molly Weasley is often in the background of the story, knitting horrible sweaters and fussing over her brood of red-headed children. But her fierce love and devotion for her family is never in doubt, and ultimately, she demonstrates the kind of power that comes from a mother’s love for her children. It’s nothing to be trifled with.

8. Robert Muldoon (Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton) – This is going to be short and sweet. Muldoon is freakin’ awesome, and if they’d all have listened to him from the beginning, dinosaurs wouldn’t have wound up eating most of them. And, unlike in the movie version, Muldoon is smart enough to not get eaten himself .

7. Valentine Wiggin (Ender’s Game and its sequels by Orson Scott Card) – In a world where children are turned into weapons by the military, Ender’s sister Valentine was rejected from the program for being too sympathetic and compassionate. But her intelligence was never the issue. Valentine’s game against her brother Peter is on a much smaller scale than Ender’s against the Formics, but she plays it well, proving what a shrewd strategist she really is. She also is Ender’s emotional center, the one member of his family who is always supportive and loving of him, no matter what he has done. She later proves her devotion to Ender when she accompanies him on his travels after the completion of the Game.

6. Jamie Fraser (The Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon) – If you like your romantic leading men big, burly, and Scottish, look no further than James Fraser. From the moment Claire Randall finds herself inexplicably transported from 1945 to 18th-century Scotland, Jamie is her savior, her protector, and her friend. He is innocent, funny and friendly while also being a strong warrior and leader. He’s not without his flaws, chief among them his fiery temper and fierce stubbornness. But ultimately, it’s his enduring love for Claire — a love that literally spans centuries — that makes him utterly endearing.

5. Peeta Mellark (The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins) – I never really bought into the whole “Team Peeta”/”Team Gale” thing (in my opinion, Peeta’s biggest rival for Katniss’ affections was Katniss.) So my admiration for Peeta is not based on the fact that he’s just sooooooo dreamy. Peeta takes more mental and physical abuse than any other character in THG series (barring, of course, the ones who die). But his strength of character and his will to be true to himself ultimately prevail. He is gentle, kind, and full of hope in a world where all of those are in short supply; but he also demonstrates strength and power when the situation demands it. Katniss may be the focal point of THG, but in my mind, Peeta is the true victor.

4. Professor Remus Lupin (First introduced in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling) – As Harry’s only Defense Against the Dark Arts professor who is both qualified and competent, Professor Lupin’s teachings are instrumental in Harry’s fight against Voldemort. Additionally, in spite of Lupin’s internal struggles, he continues to be one of the main leaders of the Order of the Pheonix. He serves as mentor and protector of the Dynamic Trio, and ultimately helps Harry understand the power of sacrificial love.

3. Westley (The Princess Bride by William Goldman) – If you haven’t read The Princess Bride, go get yourself a copy and read it. Right now. The movie is great; the book is better. And however much movie Westley is the ultimate in swashbuckling romantic heroes, book Westley is even better. If you thought his survival in the Pit of Despair was impressive, wait until you see him in the Zoo of Death. “To the pain” indeed.

2. Nighteyes (Farseer Trilogy/Tawny Man Trilogy by Robin Hobb) – Nighteyes is protagonist FitzChivalry’s wolf companion for most of his journeys. Nighteyes is as you would expect a wolf to be: vicious, cunning, and fiercely loyal. But he is also surprisingly witty, refreshingly honest, and endearingly playful. Through all of Fitz’s misadventures, Nighteyes is there to ground him, support him, and be the voice of reason. In a series I loved full of characters I loved, Nighteyes was among the best. I’ve never felt so emotionally attached to an animal character, before or since.

1. The Fool (Farseer Trilogy/Liveship Traders Trilogy/Tawny Man Trilogy by Robin Hobb) – In Robin Hobb’s spectacular trilogy of trilogies, The Fool is the thread that ties them all together. He is an enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a cleverly worded and slightly biting riddle. And somehow, even though you never truly understand everything about him — even after 9 books — you come to know him. Introduced as a comical background character, The Fool ultimately evolves into one of the most complex and fascinating characters I’ve ever read. But despite the vast mystery that surrounds him, it’s hard to doubt or deny his friendship and devotion with Fitz, even in the face of unimaginable hardship.

Honorable Mentions (in no particular order):

Neville Longbottom, Hermione Granger, Professor McGonagall (Harry Potter)

Burrich (Farseer Trilogy/Tawny Man Trilogy)

 Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe (Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery)

Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen)

Kent McFuller (Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver)

Jo March (Little Women by Louisa May Alcott)

 I may add more to this later. It’s too painful not to mention some of these great characters.